The following quiz will be all multiple choice. Please be sure to use a #2 pencil, and refrain from any erasure marks, for otherwise your answers will not be properly graded. Best of luck!
1. I am an artist?
c. For the sake of humanity, please just get back to work.
2. Define work.
a. Writing strange poems in crayon in your notebook and attempting to justify it as part of the creative process.
b. Not doing your legitimate, grade-producing homework because you are writing strange poems with crayons.
c. Taking a break to sharpen the crayons that you have been writing strange poems with for the past hour.
d. All of the above
e. None of the above (again, for humanity’s sake, please just pick this one)
3. True or false: The internet puts forth so much written social commentary that mine is irrelevant and unnecessary
a. True. Please just go read a book— like, a real live one, with paper and words and shit.
b. False. I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t want to have another “Top 10” list shoved down their throats!
4. Writing is a plausible career path.
c. ………..if all else fails, your little brother’s middle school newspaper could use a part-time journalist…right?
5. At least you’re writing something right now. Does that count as a success?
a. My dog thinks he’s a cat. Does that make him a cat?
b. You know what they say— practice makes perfect! (And according to every private college in America, so does $60,000 a year.)
c. The fact that you got out of bed this morning and put on real pants is honestly an accomplishment in itself, so props to you no matter what.
6. The polar ice caps are melting.
a. This quiz was weird enough to begin with, but…really?
b. Just your future career plans!
c. True: permanent ice cover is shrinking at a rate of 9% per decade.
7. Is there a right time and place to write?
a. Yeah— your fourth grade class during the poetry unit (and to be fair, you should’ve just left it at that…)
b. Your local McDonald’s. 2 am. Back booth. Meet me there?
c. Anywhere and anytime you’re caffeinated out of your mind.
8. This quiz was worth my time.
a. If by time you mean the minutes of existence that would’ve been otherwise spent binge-watching Wet Hot American Summer on Netflix, then sure, believe what you want!
b. I showed up at the back booth, but you weren’t there…so no, this wasn’t worth my time.
c. Just get back to work, please. Maybe you could try writing something?